can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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