I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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