Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
