Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
