I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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