If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
