We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
