i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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