you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
