Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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