Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
