Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
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