The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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