Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
pray to the hookup gods
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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