His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
