Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
