I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
