a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
