Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You were trust falling into bushes
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