I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
