I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
