that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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