It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
