Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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