So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
