The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
