Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
