He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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