lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
