You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She tied me up with her honor cords...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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