Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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