You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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