It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
