White coat. Heels.
need another drink. this is the easiest way
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
