the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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