if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
