Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
