I must be too annoying 4 u.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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