we have officially mastered the walk of shame
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
