Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
