...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
