he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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