you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
