i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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