you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
