I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
