I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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