question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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