I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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