He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
