you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
