all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize