yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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