Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
