i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
