i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
