She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
