So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
