Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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