are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
