He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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