she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
