Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
