You made me cry and you don't even care
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
