It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
