just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
